So last night's almost full moon really had me thinking about alot of thing. In particular, I came across a rather interesting notion about negative feelings. They are a product of the mind. Not of the heart. Think on it.
Joy, Love, Excitement, Wonder, Intrigue all originate within the heart. Positive emotions tend to take hold of us before they are introduced to reason, and perhaps that's what makes them feel so, well, good.
The flip side of this are emotions such as Anger, Fear, Loneliness, Hatred, Anguish. Such emotions are brought on by the mind. They originate in the mind. And in time, can affect the body and heart (or soul if you will). These emotions are self-inflicted and it's for this reason that therapists say they cannot be cured, only controlled.
Objects of the heart cannot be harnessed, they simply are what they are, and if not nurtured, eventually fade. Objects of the mind...remain present once they are introduced. They never truly go away, rather they resurface, time and time again. The real question is how you choose to handle it. Do you let the darkness in your mind control you? Or do you find a way to control it?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Thirty. Five.
The past few weeks have brought alot of change within myself. It was kind of like, someone prodded me with a taser gun. The shock, instead of knocking me out, woke me up. But upon waking up, I lost my balance and started falling...and I still am. It's strange though, because I feel like I'm falling at two different speeds. For part of me, my life is starting to pick up, opportunities are appearing, work is getting done, plans are being made. For another part of me, things are in slow motion, or rather the people around me are. And this part of me does not like what it is seeing.
Essentially, we're all made of glass. Beautiful works on the outside, always attractive to those around us. The light gleams off our surface, which normally is believed to be part of our natural, unique beauty. However, I think it's to blind us from seeing inside. As I've been moving in slow motion, I've begun to see what lies inside. And I'm starting to wonder how is it that I ended up surrounding myself with so many selfish, ignorant people. Of course that made me wonder if then was I selfish and ignorant as well. But I know myself better than that. My biggest flaw is becoming complacent not in my own self, but in others. And more often than not, I begin to mirror what they produce.
So, yes, I became selfish and ignorant. It became easy to give in to doing whatever for no reason at all. I felt no qualms about being too lazy to challenge my mind and pursue worthwhile endeavors. Because the company I kept were just as fine with that.
Upon realizing this, I grew angry at myself, but that anger soon fell upon them. Becuase even after voicing my feelings and frustrations, they acted like I hadn't said a word. As time passed, more of these individuals have been appearing, and the glass casing they showcase to the world is nothing more than a plastic excuse to be who they wanted to be.
So I asked myself for the first time who I wanted to be. At first, the process of answering that question seemed so daunting, I didn't know where to begin. But then I realized that answer has always been present. The answer was that I wanted to be ME. Thus, I began to redefine myself from the ground up. It hasn't been easy, and sometimes I feel more alone than anything. But then I think I'd rather face a little solitude over being the vessel of someone else's servitude.
Essentially, we're all made of glass. Beautiful works on the outside, always attractive to those around us. The light gleams off our surface, which normally is believed to be part of our natural, unique beauty. However, I think it's to blind us from seeing inside. As I've been moving in slow motion, I've begun to see what lies inside. And I'm starting to wonder how is it that I ended up surrounding myself with so many selfish, ignorant people. Of course that made me wonder if then was I selfish and ignorant as well. But I know myself better than that. My biggest flaw is becoming complacent not in my own self, but in others. And more often than not, I begin to mirror what they produce.
So, yes, I became selfish and ignorant. It became easy to give in to doing whatever for no reason at all. I felt no qualms about being too lazy to challenge my mind and pursue worthwhile endeavors. Because the company I kept were just as fine with that.
Upon realizing this, I grew angry at myself, but that anger soon fell upon them. Becuase even after voicing my feelings and frustrations, they acted like I hadn't said a word. As time passed, more of these individuals have been appearing, and the glass casing they showcase to the world is nothing more than a plastic excuse to be who they wanted to be.
So I asked myself for the first time who I wanted to be. At first, the process of answering that question seemed so daunting, I didn't know where to begin. But then I realized that answer has always been present. The answer was that I wanted to be ME. Thus, I began to redefine myself from the ground up. It hasn't been easy, and sometimes I feel more alone than anything. But then I think I'd rather face a little solitude over being the vessel of someone else's servitude.
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