Twenty.Six.

Family is a confusing thing isn't it?? It's never something you ever feel 100% about. I mean sure, you have movies like "Soul Food". "The Preacher's Wife". And every Tyler Perry movie that is and ever will be in existence reminding us of the importance of family with some warm and fuzzy conclusion. But let's be real.

We don't start out despising our families from the innermost depths of our souls. Nor do we entirely love them with the most powerful palpitations of our hearts. More often than not, we sit on the fence. Or rather, we act like a bed of hot coals are waiting for us to lean to one side or the other. Is it wrong? No. It's human. We're designed to take things for granted. And perhaps that's why family is so beautiful.

Today I realized just how much I take for granted when it comes to family. I was stunned and ashamed at the realization that I don't tell my mom and siblings I love them enough. How I always choose to distance myself from them just to avoid a difficult discussion or a current problem I may have. I shelter myself so much within my family's negatives rather than it's positives. And I use that as fuel to keep dancing on the side of coals marked "anger and frustration" instead of jumping to the side of "contentment and appreciation" every now and then.

Is my family bad? No. Do they hate me? No. Do they look down on me? No. Am I scared they don't get me? Yes. Would I rather not voice my opinions? Yes. Am I estranging our relationship due to my insecurities? Yes.

And I'm honestly tired of it. For the simple fact that it isn't getting me anywhere and it's done more harm than good. I spent so much time going at it with them, rebelling for no rhyme and reason instead of just telling them how I felt. Thus, I ended up making my life more difficult, as well as making myself that much more difficult for them to understand.

My point?

Family isn't some deadly airborne disease bent on wiping out mankind. It's not that girl-from-the-party-whose-name-you-forgot that's calling you to tell you she's pregnant. Family isn't your real-life version of Michael Myers, either. Quite frankly, there's a shitload of things worse than family.

Even if the coals on the other side of the fence may burn just as hot, at least on that side you have a group of people there to patch you up.