Cancer is a scary thing to deal with. Not just for the person, but the people surrounding that person. For some reason, I never thought about the hardships faced romantically by the people on either side. Think about it. A person with cancer knows their disease could get better. But could also get worse to a point beyond repair. And yet, they still want what we all ultimately want: love. And they probably want it more than most, because they may not have alot of time left on this earth. However, there are major hardships that may prevent them from obtaining that. The first being that people may look at them and feel sorry for them. Or pity. Ultimately, I feel that sympathy, in any situation, is utterly useless. I mean what, "I'm sorry you have a tumor in your chest and that you may die from it? Wish there was something I could do?" What they hell is that doing for anyone?
The other problems actually are a joint hardship between the sick individual and whoever he/she is pursuing a relationship with. And they all revolve outside of the two individuals. Namely, the other individual's family. The family may think the person with cancer is looking for a crutch. That is someone they can, in a nutshell, dump their shit on. They feel the sick person is looking for someone to take care of them. The other problem is that they don't want to see their loved one to get hurt.
Which is understandable. However, seeing as nobody is psychic, we can't truly forsee what the future holds for the two individuals. And we don't know what will happen to the person suffering from cancer.
My point?
Dating someone with cancer, or any terminal illness for that matter is a challenge. But there are plenty of worse off situations in which neither party may be suffering from disease, but can cause one or both people harm. Abusive relationships, homosexual relationships, polyamorous relationships, etc.
Should we alienate someone suffering from a terminal illness just to protect our own well-being? And where do we draw the line that divides the acceptable from the unacceptable? Especially when every illness has the potential of growing life threatening. If I'm dating a girl and she catches swine flu or pneumonia, do I cut her off?
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Thirty.
The snow is here! And I'm highly pissed! Lol jack frost, bitch that he is, has cheated me out of yet another white christmas. Instead i'll be lucky if i get a gray xmas. you know, the color the snow turns several days and a snowplow later. sooo not cool.
In other news, I'm back. No, seriously. I've been locked away in the City of My Mind lately, dealing with a few demons and ghouls. And vampires of course. Cause everything has vampires these days. It's a bit of an overkill don't you think? What I've learned from this new vampire fetish America has been swept by ( I say America because Europe and Asia have long accepted the existence of mythical creatures) is that Twilight should've remained a book series only. Excellent story (great job Ms. Myers) and the characters are memorable. However, the movies so far a punk-emo-soap opera debacle that serve as an eye-candy festival for all female and male worshippers who've dedicated their lives to either Team Jacob or Team Edward. I've also learned, thanks to true blood, that vampires are indeed the freakiest creatures on the planet. The only reason their existence still remains a myth is that our weak mortal forms cannot withstand their voracious sexual appetites. Thus, we die before we can run to our friends and scream, "Vampire head is the best!!!!!!"
Ok, now that we've gotten that tangent over and done with lol, let's move on. I am back to blogging. In fact I have to other blogs set up, both of which are stories I'm currently working on. Not to mention the two other stories I'm working on not through a blog but good old microsoft word. I'm not sure what happened, seeing as how I was aimlessly driven to make writing my career, but suddenly direction appeared. And ever since, I've been writing, constantly. All I can say is, I truly know this is what I was meant to do. And I no longer feel scared about doing it.
last but not least, Tiger Woods. I have too lol. It's my humblest opinion that the entire world leaves this dude alone. Who cares who he slept with? If he was smart enough to not get caught, kudos to him. Do i condone it? No. But don't turn these mistresses of his into ten second celebrities. We already have Jon and Kate. And an army of Dancing With The Stars contestants. And a number of rappers' baby mamas. What the media should do is give fame to people that are actually doing something interesting. And that's pretty much anyone not being mentioned in the tabloids.
In other news, I'm back. No, seriously. I've been locked away in the City of My Mind lately, dealing with a few demons and ghouls. And vampires of course. Cause everything has vampires these days. It's a bit of an overkill don't you think? What I've learned from this new vampire fetish America has been swept by ( I say America because Europe and Asia have long accepted the existence of mythical creatures) is that Twilight should've remained a book series only. Excellent story (great job Ms. Myers) and the characters are memorable. However, the movies so far a punk-emo-soap opera debacle that serve as an eye-candy festival for all female and male worshippers who've dedicated their lives to either Team Jacob or Team Edward. I've also learned, thanks to true blood, that vampires are indeed the freakiest creatures on the planet. The only reason their existence still remains a myth is that our weak mortal forms cannot withstand their voracious sexual appetites. Thus, we die before we can run to our friends and scream, "Vampire head is the best!!!!!!"
Ok, now that we've gotten that tangent over and done with lol, let's move on. I am back to blogging. In fact I have to other blogs set up, both of which are stories I'm currently working on. Not to mention the two other stories I'm working on not through a blog but good old microsoft word. I'm not sure what happened, seeing as how I was aimlessly driven to make writing my career, but suddenly direction appeared. And ever since, I've been writing, constantly. All I can say is, I truly know this is what I was meant to do. And I no longer feel scared about doing it.
last but not least, Tiger Woods. I have too lol. It's my humblest opinion that the entire world leaves this dude alone. Who cares who he slept with? If he was smart enough to not get caught, kudos to him. Do i condone it? No. But don't turn these mistresses of his into ten second celebrities. We already have Jon and Kate. And an army of Dancing With The Stars contestants. And a number of rappers' baby mamas. What the media should do is give fame to people that are actually doing something interesting. And that's pretty much anyone not being mentioned in the tabloids.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Twenty. Nine.
Anger. Sadness. Fear. Happiness. Excitement. Confusion. There are so many different kinds of emotions that we can feel. Some lift us up to unimaginable heights while others devastate us beyond repair. Today I came to a realization that out of all the emotions I feel and have felt, it's the feeling of Helplessness that truly brings me down to that point of no return.
Earlier today, my mother and I had a conversation. My mother is currently going through a period of self-exploration and rediscovery. However, in doing so she has unlocked the door to dark memories she had tried very hard to forget. And the pain that resurfaced from these memories can be so great, it cripples her. I mean she falls apart, man. Now usually, I know what to do, what to say, and how to comfort her. But today was different. Today my mother scared me, and not because of what she was saying. Because the pain that she felt was so great, I couldn't reach her. No amount of comforting and support was enough to make things right. I felt so helpless. Because the entire situation was completely out of my control. I didn't know how to help my mother feel better. And that hurt more than anything.
Then, a few minutes ago, my mom and I had a converstation with my best friend, Keen. And it was brought to light that keen had a few problems of his own, both physical and emotional, that he had been holding in for the last couple of weeks. At first, I was angry that he didn't reach out to me. Angry that he was the kind of guy who could be hemorrhaging and would act like he just won the lottery. And angry that I was angry at him, because there was nothing I could do about any of it. Ultimately, I could only help my friend if he let me or, more importantly, if he chose to help himself. Outside of that, there was nothing I could say or do for him that could change the state he was in. And once again came that crippling feeling that I could be of no help.
My point is, I always had a tendency to want to help people. I hate conflict, and I hate seeing people suffer. So if I can help alleviate it, I'll do whatever I can. But today I had to face the reality that I can't heal the world, and every problem is not mine to fix. And that fact really sucks. But then I guess if things worked that way, I'd be winning the Nobel Peace Prize constantly.
Earlier today, my mother and I had a conversation. My mother is currently going through a period of self-exploration and rediscovery. However, in doing so she has unlocked the door to dark memories she had tried very hard to forget. And the pain that resurfaced from these memories can be so great, it cripples her. I mean she falls apart, man. Now usually, I know what to do, what to say, and how to comfort her. But today was different. Today my mother scared me, and not because of what she was saying. Because the pain that she felt was so great, I couldn't reach her. No amount of comforting and support was enough to make things right. I felt so helpless. Because the entire situation was completely out of my control. I didn't know how to help my mother feel better. And that hurt more than anything.
Then, a few minutes ago, my mom and I had a converstation with my best friend, Keen. And it was brought to light that keen had a few problems of his own, both physical and emotional, that he had been holding in for the last couple of weeks. At first, I was angry that he didn't reach out to me. Angry that he was the kind of guy who could be hemorrhaging and would act like he just won the lottery. And angry that I was angry at him, because there was nothing I could do about any of it. Ultimately, I could only help my friend if he let me or, more importantly, if he chose to help himself. Outside of that, there was nothing I could say or do for him that could change the state he was in. And once again came that crippling feeling that I could be of no help.
My point is, I always had a tendency to want to help people. I hate conflict, and I hate seeing people suffer. So if I can help alleviate it, I'll do whatever I can. But today I had to face the reality that I can't heal the world, and every problem is not mine to fix. And that fact really sucks. But then I guess if things worked that way, I'd be winning the Nobel Peace Prize constantly.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Twenty. Eight.
Powerhouse.
I was there yesterday and let me tell you, it ROCKED. So me being the charming individual I am, allow me to share the fact that I suffered the entire 6 hours with a serious case of the beegees (so serious) and did not leave my seat once. That's how good it was.
Mario. Jadakiss. Keri Hilson. Jay-Z. Day 26. Trey Songz. etc, etc. Not to mention guest appearances from Memphis Bleek. Styles P. Beanie. YOUNGBLOODZ! etc, etc. It was really everything I wanted it to be and more.
Hands down, the best performance of the night was Jay-Z. Amazing, how even in Philly, every. single. person got the livest for Jay. Just goes to show you that regardless of the names given to the places we live, the imaginary lines drawn that separate New Yorkers, Jerseys, Philladelphians and every other group existing in the world, music does and will always continue to erase every barrier the physical world places in our lives.
Me being a brooklyn native, I was standing on my seat, wildin out. Singing every line to every song. Looking like a possessed fan lol. It was just that good.
Powerhouse. I will definitely be going back next year.
I was there yesterday and let me tell you, it ROCKED. So me being the charming individual I am, allow me to share the fact that I suffered the entire 6 hours with a serious case of the beegees (so serious) and did not leave my seat once. That's how good it was.
Mario. Jadakiss. Keri Hilson. Jay-Z. Day 26. Trey Songz. etc, etc. Not to mention guest appearances from Memphis Bleek. Styles P. Beanie. YOUNGBLOODZ! etc, etc. It was really everything I wanted it to be and more.
Hands down, the best performance of the night was Jay-Z. Amazing, how even in Philly, every. single. person got the livest for Jay. Just goes to show you that regardless of the names given to the places we live, the imaginary lines drawn that separate New Yorkers, Jerseys, Philladelphians and every other group existing in the world, music does and will always continue to erase every barrier the physical world places in our lives.
Me being a brooklyn native, I was standing on my seat, wildin out. Singing every line to every song. Looking like a possessed fan lol. It was just that good.
Powerhouse. I will definitely be going back next year.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Twenty.Seven.
You know what show I love and hate to watch simultaneously? The Real World. I think it's so cool that a bunch of random individuals get to spend four months together in one house in one awesome city. HOWEVER. They're a bunch of spoiled asses. Think about it, they don't have to pay bills. They don't have to buy furniture (even if they break it). They can do damn near whatever they want until their jobs start, and even then it's not unbearable (the closest thing to unbearable was this season's cast working as chaperones for college kids during spring break) by a long shot. Yet they whine and fight with one another like a bunch of school kids. Seriously. This season was so outrageous, I was either laughing hysterically or flat-out disgusted.
Why? If you have a roommate that suffers from ADHD and you got into an argument, would you result to telling them to "Go take their Adderall?" I mean seriously. And who wouldn't laugh at a drunk friend who steps out onto the hotel balcony to toss a FIRE EXTINGUISHER into the pool? Sure, it would be a serious matter later, but initially, that shit would be hilarious! Or my personal favorite. Why get into an argument with some girl you hate when you can just SPIT in her food! I mean seriously, I think a lung would have burst from me laughing so hard at her expression alone!
Anyway, I think it would be cool to have a pad to share with a bunch of my friends. I mean there's Save, Keen, Shy, Hugo, Nelman, Marlon, Jalyn, Tiana, Jason, Sharina, Jessica, Kelley, Nick, Malcolm, Cassie, Ferg, Jo, Nay, Steve, etc, etc. The list goes on and on. Any combination would surely be awesome. I'm sure we could outdo the Real Worlders any day. Pansy asses. Lol. Ok, that's my random rant for the night. Take what you will from it.
Why? If you have a roommate that suffers from ADHD and you got into an argument, would you result to telling them to "Go take their Adderall?" I mean seriously. And who wouldn't laugh at a drunk friend who steps out onto the hotel balcony to toss a FIRE EXTINGUISHER into the pool? Sure, it would be a serious matter later, but initially, that shit would be hilarious! Or my personal favorite. Why get into an argument with some girl you hate when you can just SPIT in her food! I mean seriously, I think a lung would have burst from me laughing so hard at her expression alone!
Anyway, I think it would be cool to have a pad to share with a bunch of my friends. I mean there's Save, Keen, Shy, Hugo, Nelman, Marlon, Jalyn, Tiana, Jason, Sharina, Jessica, Kelley, Nick, Malcolm, Cassie, Ferg, Jo, Nay, Steve, etc, etc. The list goes on and on. Any combination would surely be awesome. I'm sure we could outdo the Real Worlders any day. Pansy asses. Lol. Ok, that's my random rant for the night. Take what you will from it.
Twenty.Six.
Family is a confusing thing isn't it?? It's never something you ever feel 100% about. I mean sure, you have movies like "Soul Food". "The Preacher's Wife". And every Tyler Perry movie that is and ever will be in existence reminding us of the importance of family with some warm and fuzzy conclusion. But let's be real.
We don't start out despising our families from the innermost depths of our souls. Nor do we entirely love them with the most powerful palpitations of our hearts. More often than not, we sit on the fence. Or rather, we act like a bed of hot coals are waiting for us to lean to one side or the other. Is it wrong? No. It's human. We're designed to take things for granted. And perhaps that's why family is so beautiful.
Today I realized just how much I take for granted when it comes to family. I was stunned and ashamed at the realization that I don't tell my mom and siblings I love them enough. How I always choose to distance myself from them just to avoid a difficult discussion or a current problem I may have. I shelter myself so much within my family's negatives rather than it's positives. And I use that as fuel to keep dancing on the side of coals marked "anger and frustration" instead of jumping to the side of "contentment and appreciation" every now and then.
Is my family bad? No. Do they hate me? No. Do they look down on me? No. Am I scared they don't get me? Yes. Would I rather not voice my opinions? Yes. Am I estranging our relationship due to my insecurities? Yes.
And I'm honestly tired of it. For the simple fact that it isn't getting me anywhere and it's done more harm than good. I spent so much time going at it with them, rebelling for no rhyme and reason instead of just telling them how I felt. Thus, I ended up making my life more difficult, as well as making myself that much more difficult for them to understand.
My point?
Family isn't some deadly airborne disease bent on wiping out mankind. It's not that girl-from-the-party-whose-name-you-forgot that's calling you to tell you she's pregnant. Family isn't your real-life version of Michael Myers, either. Quite frankly, there's a shitload of things worse than family.
Even if the coals on the other side of the fence may burn just as hot, at least on that side you have a group of people there to patch you up.
We don't start out despising our families from the innermost depths of our souls. Nor do we entirely love them with the most powerful palpitations of our hearts. More often than not, we sit on the fence. Or rather, we act like a bed of hot coals are waiting for us to lean to one side or the other. Is it wrong? No. It's human. We're designed to take things for granted. And perhaps that's why family is so beautiful.
Today I realized just how much I take for granted when it comes to family. I was stunned and ashamed at the realization that I don't tell my mom and siblings I love them enough. How I always choose to distance myself from them just to avoid a difficult discussion or a current problem I may have. I shelter myself so much within my family's negatives rather than it's positives. And I use that as fuel to keep dancing on the side of coals marked "anger and frustration" instead of jumping to the side of "contentment and appreciation" every now and then.
Is my family bad? No. Do they hate me? No. Do they look down on me? No. Am I scared they don't get me? Yes. Would I rather not voice my opinions? Yes. Am I estranging our relationship due to my insecurities? Yes.
And I'm honestly tired of it. For the simple fact that it isn't getting me anywhere and it's done more harm than good. I spent so much time going at it with them, rebelling for no rhyme and reason instead of just telling them how I felt. Thus, I ended up making my life more difficult, as well as making myself that much more difficult for them to understand.
My point?
Family isn't some deadly airborne disease bent on wiping out mankind. It's not that girl-from-the-party-whose-name-you-forgot that's calling you to tell you she's pregnant. Family isn't your real-life version of Michael Myers, either. Quite frankly, there's a shitload of things worse than family.
Even if the coals on the other side of the fence may burn just as hot, at least on that side you have a group of people there to patch you up.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Twenty. Five. Hell Yeah.
And they say you can't come back from the dead. LOL
It's been a while guys, gals and rejects. Where have i been? Well, I would like to tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. So, with that being said, all i will say is, intergalactic warships, various extraterrestria (yes, i just made that up), and a near apocalyptic cataclysm. Yeah, it's just that serious lol. And during all that, I also came down with a mean case of writer's block, to say the least.
I'm currently listening to my new myspace playlist (which is awesome as usual) and I have to say....the main song pretty sums up my mindset right about now. Rather than tell you what it's about, just go to my page and have a listen. Or for those of you who would rather not, just check out "Weightless" by All Time Low.
(CAUTION: LISTENING TO SONG MAY RESULT IN REBELLIOUS ATTITUDES, DESIRES FOR CHANGE, AND A MEAN CASE OF "FUCK OFF, I'M DOING WHAT I WANT" SYNDROME.)
In other news, I'm delving into three business ventures. For now. That number may very well increase. Let's just say when you take off a semester, you have two options: watch the grass grow, or use the free time wisely. Which would you prefer?
I've decided I want to move out in the very near future. It's simply necessity at this time. Perhaps it's that hyperactive stubborness that is associated with teenagers/young adults. Whatever. My life. My problem. Very simple, no?
It's been a while guys, gals and rejects. Where have i been? Well, I would like to tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. So, with that being said, all i will say is, intergalactic warships, various extraterrestria (yes, i just made that up), and a near apocalyptic cataclysm. Yeah, it's just that serious lol. And during all that, I also came down with a mean case of writer's block, to say the least.
I'm currently listening to my new myspace playlist (which is awesome as usual) and I have to say....the main song pretty sums up my mindset right about now. Rather than tell you what it's about, just go to my page and have a listen. Or for those of you who would rather not, just check out "Weightless" by All Time Low.
(CAUTION: LISTENING TO SONG MAY RESULT IN REBELLIOUS ATTITUDES, DESIRES FOR CHANGE, AND A MEAN CASE OF "FUCK OFF, I'M DOING WHAT I WANT" SYNDROME.)
In other news, I'm delving into three business ventures. For now. That number may very well increase. Let's just say when you take off a semester, you have two options: watch the grass grow, or use the free time wisely. Which would you prefer?
I've decided I want to move out in the very near future. It's simply necessity at this time. Perhaps it's that hyperactive stubborness that is associated with teenagers/young adults. Whatever. My life. My problem. Very simple, no?
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